Infected Intoxication

I regret not having written here in the last few months. Not because I care of any of my readers but because of all the beautifull stuff that gathered in my mind and eroded away in time.

The past months can be explained as a hurricane of feelings thundering within me. I wont be able to discuss any of that here no matter how hard I try and how much aid I get from alcohol.. So I will just copy what I wrote on a filthy piece of paper that survived my terrible handwriting..

"It must be human nature to chase things. Maybe it is our wild instincts. After all our ancestors needed to stay hidden and ambush the animal for food. If the animal didnt drop dead they needed to chase it. So my theory is, unless you make someone fall in love with you immediately they will start to run even though they are wounded. Sometimes that person may escape and get hunted by someone else or it may die of the wounds. Than the only thing we need to do is find they corpse... However it is of great importance that I note the following here: The sight of a rotting corpse is not something for everyones appetite..So dont take your time..

Let us return to chasing,

A chase is for a person may have horrible effects on human mind. But it also forces you to confront yourself and value the dignity that is left within you. I say left, because I believe our pride and dignity deteriorates with every experiance we have in our life. We may learn alot from chasing about ourselves...

There is a degree of persistance.. We must never exceed it or else we would have to face the danger of total rejection subce we gave become "bothersome " and in some cases "creepy".

So how do we know that we reach our limit?

In my case it is paranoia.. in the case of others it may be jealousy, greed or murderous intentions..

Paranoia.. Ah! The disease of the insane. It is the ultimate form of fear. Only people that are immune to fear develop paranoia. It sounds contradicting but I will open it up for you. A paranoid person develops feelings of jealousy , fear and eventually hatred. People that never feared or doubted others are forced to become paranoid once they taste betrayal for the first time. The first betrayal leaves a sour taste and with every betrayal adding up these people start to live with the fear of tasting it again.

All the years of living with the illusion of total security gets destroyed. The of betrayal that has been stored inside of the person is unleashed upon his naivety. A naivety that never returns. Paranoia is build upon the decaying remains of that naivety. A twisted and corrupted image of the pure..

My friends.. The combination of paranoi together with the intoxication of pride of the human being creates a monstrosity that I call "Infected intoxication"

May this be a warning on all of us.. If you reach the limit, learn to end your future.."

End of the paper..