The Journey to the North

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PBeKzVhWHY

Maybe I shouldnt have come to Germany..

I feel like everything I have done since 2006 summer, every step that I have taken was a huge mistake.. I remember the words I heard from a person that was once very dear to me

"You will not succeed anything in Germany, you will come back to Turkey, I dont believe that you will achieve anything.."

Maybe she was right..I hate to admit it, it instults my honor...

True, I havent achieved anything. I kept starting over and over again.. Meanwhile I lost precious people and parts of my past. It pains me that I have become so depressed..

I hate it..

But what would have happened had I stayed in Turkey? I wouldnt have grown so much I wouldnt have learned so much.. But was this all really worth the sacrifice? I doubt it..

There was a time when I loved myself, a time when I thought that I was at the top.. I was intoxicated.. Now that I witness that I am no longer at the top and that I am being crushed under the foot of my consciousness I see that my Intoxication has been infected...

I should stop thinking about the past, unfortunately I cant.. I must let go of it.. This makes me sick, I keep talking about myself its always "I, I , I!!!".. Gökhan said "we must let go off our past, time passes by we have grown up, we were foolish at the past.. Foolishness is Happyness". He is right. He couldnt put it in a better way.

I am fully aware of this situation, I should cope with it. My belief is that the first step is to stop hating yourself..

Time to pull the act together and acting like a man.. The time for whining blaming is over.. It is time to stand up and receive or deliver the last punch...